Cosmopolitan Toastmasters

Somewhat Better Speaking, Listening, Thinking and Eating

                      The Incompetent Toastmaster's Mission

 Editor's note: Warning!!! The Purpose of the ICTM Council is to subvert all that is good and decent about Toastmasters International.  The council consists of 3-4 sad and pathetic swine who failing at decency, goodness and competence have formed the Incompetent Toastmasters Council.....headed by the chief mischief maker, Dr. ICTM himself, the iconoclastic Paul B. Ahern. Please do NOT read the rest of this vile page.  His disgusting photo (ripping our hallowed TMI Basic Manual) and sad pathetic mission statement follows:

   The ICTM Street-Creed:
The Mission of the Incompetent Toastmaster Council, otherwise known as ICTM, simply is to have absolutely no mission, no purpose, no boundaries.  ICTM is the anarchy of eloquence.  In the words of John Lydon, "Don't know what we want, but we know how to get it."  We stand in opposition to the orthodoxy of the stale speechifiers who cling to the leadership of Toastmasters International.    To them and those who edify them, we say "Training? We don't need no stinkin' training".   Who needs training from the Mothership's array of Former Hall Monitors and their doting comrades comprising the alleged leadership of its numerous and unnecessary Districts, Divisions and Areas.   You can beam me back to Area 51, before you'll get me to a Telly or Teli or whatever.  We're proud that we don't even know how to spell "Telly" unless it's the actor who played Kojak on TV in the seventies.  An ICTM will disdainfully and disrespectfully decline to participate.  
 
So how do you become an ICTM?  There are two paths to achieving this distinction or lack thereof:
Path No. 1:  Simply do nothing.  Don't complete that worthless Basic Manual.  Better yet, burn it or use it as toilet paper.  Guess what, you're smart enough to figure out how to give your own speeches, using your own creativity and eschewing the comfort of the canned formats suggested by evil Smedletrons.  After five years of ignoring the Basic Manual, you'll have moved beyond the mere basic skills anyway.  You will be an ICTM; whether you like it or not.
Path No. 2:  If you have already suffered the dubious designation of CTM, CC, ATM, ADHD, FBI or any similarly worthless recognition from Toastmasters International, you must first complete all five speeches from the new and improved Anti-Manual.  These speeches include: "Five Things People Hate About Me" (The Anti-Icebreaker);   "Being Ernest" (impersonating a person named Ernest or Ernestine);  "Pissing Off Your Audience";  "The Effective Use of Profanity; and  "Five to Seven Minutes in the Nude".  After completing your Anti-Manual, you must submit a Renunciation Letter to Toastmasters International, renouncing and denouncing all of their designations.  After completing these simple requirements, you will be an ICTM.
 
At Cosmopolitan 515, few of our best speakers are ICTMs.  Break out of the stifling rut that is the way of Toastmasters International.  Set your own course.  ICTM equals freedom.  
 Dr. ICTM can also be found at:     www.ahernlaw.com  

                                   Einstein Makes Discovery

 

There are 3 Old Swine in town 

They are: Dr. Harry Ireton, John (GSD) Drewitz and their leader; the puerile Dr. ICTM, Paul B. Ahern

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